People, Why do you suggest marriage counseling in abuse cases?…?

16 comments

1. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   Hey cam, a lot of the people ask how to leave an abusive relationship because they are too scared/beaten down to even consider how they will manage on their own.

   Counseling is NOT suggested for BOTH of them, rather for the one who is being abused, to build up the strength in themselves to get out of the sitation.

2. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   THANK YOU!!!! Abusive people don't see that their actions are wrong! Otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it over and over again.
3. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   Actually, I AM a marriage counselor and have counseled many abusive couples successfully. You're right, both parties need to want to change in order for it to be successful, but a lot of times it gives the abuser added insight into how deeply they are actually hurting the family, making him want to change in the process. So you never know what outcome it will have.
4. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   I agree…it can be wasteed time and money! But the reason it is suggested is because in some situations, both parties may agree to this and want it. Other cases, some people won't leave the abuser no matter what, and it's a suggestion that they can work with…even though they need to leave. I do think counseling works better in the substance abuse cases vs. physical abuse…although like you said, no matter what the counseling is for…the abuser has to want it, or they will return to old habits; it's just a matter of time.

   It's sad…but it is the reality and cold hard truth…I guess it just depends on what kind of life you want to live.

5. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   I thinking counseling in that situation doesn't work 99% of the time…I personally would not stay with someone like that and no amount of counseling would work for me…I say run too…
6. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   no disrespect to the counselor who answered – but couples counseling for abuse is ridiculous and yes – a HUGE waste of time and $$. you have a responsibility to yourself to stay safe. get out while you can, before it gets worse. for every 1 person that may change – do you realize how many people are killed or injured for life (physically and emotionally) by those who don't. If the relationship is worth saving and that person is saying they will change – let them seek whatever means they need to change – when they are different start things back up slowly – to see for yourself. but sadly, 99.9 % of people are set in their ways – good and bad, and will not change..
7. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   When in any abusive relationship you should leave (Get the hell out of there) and seek your own individual counseling. Not get counseling together. It's not your problem to make sure that abusive person gets help; however it is your responsibility to take care of you. So I would say that's what the professionals mean when they say get counseling. Marriage counseling is not for those serious abuse cases.

   Human_Tampon** you need Jesus boy!

8. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   I agree that both partners should and want to go to counseling. I suggest counseling only if there has been no physical abuse. When the physical abuse starts then there usually is no hope. I do think that some people can get help who are emotionally and physically abusive…..but counseling is usually not effective to someone who resorts to physical violence. If someone is being physically abusive…I usually tell them to RUN from the relationship…..not walk.
9. 

   admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

   Is it true?
10. 

    admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    if someone is crazy enough to abuse you, i will advie you not to clean out their bank account. i have seen about 4 cases like this on FORENSICS and SNAPPED where the wives cleaned out the bank account and ran. they all ended up DEAD
11. 

    admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    I don't believe in counseling because the husband never tells the truth and won't open up. Go to a book store and get a book on the subject it works as good if not better only because you can read it over and over then apply what you just read on your husband the same day.
12. 

    admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    thats damn right!
13. 

    admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    i think if someone wants to change bad enough they will, once they realize they were wrong.
14. 

    admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    I do agree with you in a small way, but I seen a Psychiatrist for 71/2 – 8 yrs. I discussed all my problems with my doctor. Of course, he suggested my husband come to some of the sessions. Of course my husband refused, I but I went anyway. They finally told me I wasn't the only one with the problem, but I am the only one in the house hold that knows what the problem is. He stated that I continuously keep taking my medicine and try teaching the others what I have learned. If you were to run away instead of facing the problem, the problem will never get solved. It could happen to someone else and even get worse. Now if the abuse is physical I do completely agree. They should also call authorities right before they leave. This will differently prevent it from happening again.
15. 

    admin on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    except that you're wrong because I am proof. I was abused. We separated. I sought counseling, he never wanted to. I learned how to recognize the signs of abuse and protect myself. I also learned how to forgive and why people are abusive. He saw me go to counseling and eventually started going too. He started dealing with his issues. When we got back together I was able to stand up to him and be a strong person. He was able to control his temper. We were both able to leave it in the past and start over. It has been seven years since this all happened, we are very happily married with no more instances of abuse. So stop acting like you alone have all the answers.
16. 

    Barbara on April 15, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Marriage counseling is the WORST idea when there’s any sort of abuse in the picture. Go no further than the newspaper to see what’s happened to some victims of marital abuse… maybe even go to their funeral.

    http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/11/couples-counseling-marriage-counseling.html